This month has been an interesting one… A lot of the conversations I was having revolved around sex & pleasure work. I started having sex when I was about 16 years old. However, I have been interested in sex (or at least dreamed about it) since long before that. My first sex dream came on around 9 or 10. I had dreamt that I was laying next to my “parents” bed on the floor. They thought I was sleeping, and because of this assumption I began to hear the bed move and light moaning coming from someone’s throat. The subtle moaning very quickly turned into screams of ecstasy as both parties reached climax. After they were done my “father” leaned over the edge of the bed to see if I was still asleep. He saw a wide-eyed little person just staring up at the ceiling and that’s where the dream ended. My parents in this scenario were the actors that plated the Pink & White power rangers in the Might Morphin Power Rangers movie. Now while this may have been a dream there was a very direct tie to reality.
I have in fact been floor side while my mother was having sex. It wasn’t something done intentionally, but circumstances had us in a bind. It wasn’t traumatic, or stressful. Honestly I remember being more stressed out that I would get in trouble for waking up, or not being asleep. The reason behind that particular fear is rooted from a man named James, but that is a wholly different story at a very different time. Sex was a pretty normal thing in my household, well normalish. It wasn’t openly talked about as some households, and I wasn’t shielded from it either. I grew up in Sin City (ak.a Las Vegas, NV). The real city that never sleeps; where the bottle girls make more than the CEO’s (and deservedly so) & you can go to a strip club that serves steak breakfast burritos at any time of the day (literally).
By the time I was 13 I had a very healthy curiosity around sex & exploration. I’m not gonna go into details because I was underage, and frankly it’s no one’s damn business. Fast forward to me at 16. I had “lost” my virginity to both a cis male & female within 24 hours of each other. Again not going to get into the details of these experiences, but I will say that even though it was my first time enjoying penetrative sex, it was nowhere near my first time “having sex”. The idea of virginity was something that seemed elusive to me even at that young age. I didn’t have any romantic ideas, or even couth when it came to the topic of sex. In fact quite the opposite. I often felt ostracized because I wanted to talk about it, and all my peers deemed that to be a conversation behind closed doors. I learned very quickly to keep that door shut, if I wanted to maintain any relations with my peers.
I started dating around 16 as well. I remember my first boyfriend I had. I met them on Gay.com. A website dedicated to queer men meeting other queer men . Even though I had come out of the closet, I did not feel safe enough to have open conversations with my mother about my early dating history. A huge part of that was due to the fact that I was often attracted to men much older than myself. My first sugar daddy was when I was 17, I had lied about my age for almost a full year. Funny enough we stopped talking around the same time of my 18th birthday, coincidence, I think not. For the most part I am glad I was able to recognize that relationship for what it was. I didn’t allow him to take advantage of me (for the most part), and that experience was the stepping stone into my engaging in sex work.
I officially moved out of my mothers place when I was 19, but I had been on my own in most capacities since I was 17. She had so much on her plate at the time, and I had long been on my “fuck yall” rebellious streak. I had been sneaking out of my room, sneaking boys over, and would only engage with men that offered something to me outside of some dick. Some of this engagement was born out of necessity. The need to feed myself, make a little money, and see the world. As I continued to engage in this kind of work I discovered a sense of power. Sex gave me confidence, & made me feel powerful. I would boast about how I was able to catch this person, or that person. I felt fucking amazing! I could get anything I wanted out of anyone I wanted. I mostly wanted drugs, rides, and to pay rent.
There is so much more to my rich history of sex & pleasure work, and for now I think thats all I have to say. This is just the intro… I can’t let y’all drink all the tea in one sitting.
So for now…
TTFN
XOXO
Mx.Kleo